current events

(first, you'll be reading the blog I never finished and uploaded last week - better late than never)

Nobody likes a bragger but maybe there is a fine line between being a bragger and being a proud momma. I’m going to stay right along that line and tell of some proud moments I have recently experienced.

*CLAYSON (6th grade)
- commended on Math TAKS
- perfect score on Reading TAKS
- 4 times at bat, 4 hits
- is a force at 3rd base

* TREY (4th grade)
- commended on Math TAKS
- commended on Reading TAKS
- quick little runner (his coach’s wife refers to him as a roadrunner and says “beep, beep” anytime he is up at bat, this always cracks us up)


* ASHLYN (1st grade)
- Academic award: All areas
- Principal’s Award for the entire first grade at Martin Elementary for her hard work, helping others to be successful, and being compassionate

So, there you have it. My kids have been shining stars in my eyes this past week. (Not that they aren’t always, but this week they have shown accomplishments in an area that means a lot to me, their education.)

(current)

Last weekend was just fabulous. We had a break from baseball, a three day weekend and great times together with friends, with kids and together with the kids and the friends.

Friday night was Joey's son's graduation so Rhonda and I went to the graduation with him and then a big group of us went to dinner afterwards. (This graduating class was from my second year of teaching. I'm starting to feel old.)

Saturday, I got up early to try and beat the heat with a couple of baseball team pictures and then it was off to Rockwall to take bridal pictures of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She was absolutely stunning and in just a couple of weeks I'll be able to show off her pictures. She made my job easy. Saturday night, I took the kids to their dad and Joey and I went to a pool party with some friends. I ended up realizing that the host was someone that I had gone on a blind date with my senior year. That was funny. Small world.

Sunday, I went to church and did some shopping. Sunday night we went over to some friends for a cookout and enjoyed sitting around the table chattin' it up. It wasn't long before we realized that going rolling sounded like a great way to end the night. Three houses later, we made it back with an empty trash bag and lots of laughter thinking back on the pranks. The kids love this and it brings back good memories from back in the day.

Monday, I stepped out of my comfort zone and took a trip to the great outdoors with Joey, the kids and the Posey's. We went to Tyler State Park and had such a great time. All three of my kids enjoyed swimming, jumping into the lake (sometimes I wonder if Ashlyn is my child with her willingness to take risks) and it might have been the boys' first time to get to cruise in the back of a truck. We drove through the park looking for the rope swing to swing into the lake and they sat in the back with the wind blowing through their hair like they just don't care. The rope was cut so they wandered the trails and learned how to bring earthworms to the top of the soil. No one was ready to leave but with the last day of school ahead of us, we had to load up and head west back to C-town. Sunburned faces, tired eyes and big smiles were proof enough that the day was worth it. Even I had fun and look forward to going back and heck, I may even consider camping...

SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER!!

Tuesday was our last day of school. This was the fastest school year ever. I am looking forward to an amazing summer - teaching summer school, doing lots of fun stuff with those I love most, hoping to plan a vacation and building a house. Sweet summertime ...

I may be a teacher but I am still learning.

Things are still crazy busy and I’m still happy.

If anything good has come out of depression and anxiety it is the lessons that I have learned. Here is a list of things that I have learned:

* People lie and people will let you down but those people can be easily replaced with people that don’t lie and don’t make a habit of letting you down.

* People come into our lives for a reason and sometimes just a season - but each person that comes into our lives can either make us happy or become a mistake that we learn from.

* There really are just two choices in every situation: get bitter or get better. I have been trying to “monitor and adjust” my attitude because I tend to get bitter (and stay bitter). But, I am learning to try and make the best out of every situation. I have come a long way - I am up to 40% bitter and 60% better in situations that I face. This might have to do a lot with someone’s FB status that once said, “those that anger you - control you” … ouch.

* There was a time in my life where I wanted to spend time with friends and would look for sitters a lot of weekends. Because of the new boy in my life (that likes people and likes spending time together) I have found that I can do both – hang with the kids and with the friends and there is no need for a sitter. I never knew I could have so much fun with my kids and with my friends all at the same time. It’s been such a blessing to see the kids having fun and me being able to be myself. When I was at the point in my life where I did not know what I wanted, was miserable in my marriage and struggling with inner battles of swallowing my pride and desperately seeking happiness I felt the need to just “get away”. Now that the battle for happiness has been won, it is amazing to see all of the pieces of my life come together again. When I was a child, my Mamaw taught me to put the edge pieces together first and all of the inner puzzle pieces would begin to make sense and fall into place. This is also a life lesson: when pieces of your life are scattered and don’t seem to come together anymore, find those edge pieces - your friends, your family and most importantly your faith – put them back into your life and all of the rest will fall into place.

* Forgive and forget: unfortunately, I struggle with both of those.

* Country music is only favorable when things are going your way – otherwise, it’ll make you wanna kick up your heels and kick someone in the shin with a pair of cowboy boots or take stock in handkerchiefs. Country music and I are getting along just fine right now but a couple of months ago, it was my biggest enemy.

* It’s so much easier to just be yourself – no medication needed (for me). Grieve when you need to grieve, wipe the tears when you have a moment, be bummed when you feel like it and be mad when you are angry (just remember that person/ situation is controlling you) and then when you get through these emotions you can be happy because you have overcome.

* The biggest lesson that I have learned and you will hear me say it often: IT IS WHAT IT IS. End of story. You can’t change people, you can’t change what has already happened, you can’t make people like you or agree with you if they don’t want to and the easiest way to accept things is to just get over it because … it is what it is.

I could go on and on but it’s time to gear up for baseball pictures and a baseball game. We are down to just five more days of school. For the first time ever, I have signed up to teach summer school. They have started moving dirt on my lot today and will set the forms this week. We are still living with my parents where there is no satellite or DVR and an alarm that chimes when I come home past curfew. Baseball tournament starts tomorrow night and could possibly go through June 12th. There is so much going on but busy is good. My life is good. Good things come to those who wait.

have a blog and a smile

I am not believin' that it has been almost a month since I last blogged. I figured that there was so much I couldn't and shouldn't say, that I'd better just stay away from the blogging scene. But, as I have been forced to do many, many times in the past six and a half months - I have "snapped out of it". So, I am back with a new attitude - a happy one - and I bring this blog to you with a smile.

This is literally the first night in three weeks (or maybe longer) that the kids and I have not had anywhere to go or have anything to do. Within the past three weeks we have packed up and moved into the parent's house and played seven baseball games. In the meantime, I have fought battles from across the street and dealt with some pretty tough emotional issues. It's always a sad thing to find out people aren't always who you think they are. But, it just goes to show that people will let you down. On the upside, I have found joy in unanswered prayers, enjoyed time with friends (even made some new ones) and have made major strides in becoming happy again... just when I thought it was impossible. Some pretty amazing people have been in my life to help me keep my chin up - through prayer, words of wisdom, they've made me laugh when all I thought I could do was cry and some have managed to bring me out of my "cave" and forced me to get over it and get a grip. Thank you to these friends. My 9:30 bedtime is out the door but I am okay with that...

So, that's a quick review of the past few weeks - it's been up and down but as of now, I am on the up and up - not looking back and not getting down. I had forgotten what it was like to not have worries until one day I was forced to face reality and I am so glad that I did. It's all good.

what a difference a week makes

I've always said that I couldn't believe how some people put all of their personal business and feelings on Facebook. I have become one of those people. What did we do before Facebook when we had so many troubles and heartaches - probably picked up the phone and called a friend or found something to busy ourselves with because there weren't any shows DVRed that we could turn to (while on the computer). Retail therapy used to be one of my favorite distractions but that doesn't do much for me anymore. I usually end up taking the impulse purchases back or the things that don't fit wind up in the back of my car and never get returned, thus it all becomes a waste of hard-earned money. I used to spend a lot more time with friends but like an injured animal, I have retreated. I went to my "safe place" hoping not to get hurt again - but evidently, I need to find a new place because I have been hurt while I was down and just don't have the selfishness to fight it.

I've become crazy with my FB statuses, I think I need to go to "status updates anonymous". I don't do it so that people feel will sorry for me, trust me I don't deserve the sympathy. I don't know why I do it. If I think it, I post it... not good. Technology makes things too convenient, my iPhone has become a huge part of my life. If I still had the bag cell phone with the cord - that was literally a "car phone" - it might have saved me a lot of heartache. I wouldn't have been so accessible, I would not have put my heart on the line only to have it broken again. I've got pieces scattered everywhere and one day, I will pick up those pieces and move on.

I am just not the person that I used to be six/seven months ago. I was a wife, a friend, a mom and I was happy and comfortable. Five months ago, I was ready for a divorce because it was just time to start a new chapter in my life. I haven't regretted that decision. Yeah, it's hard but it wasn't necessarily easier to stay married. It's been rough with all of the firsts that come up but it's a situation that we have created and have to keep on keeping on. People say that it will get easier and there won't be so much tension, disagreements and confusion. I think it will eventually level out where Jared and I can get along and make decisions based on the kid's needs without all of the bitterness. We have to. They are our first priority. I also want to bring my happiness back around, it's been missing in action for too long.

So, there was one week, the week of April 4th-11th, that I was happy every single day. Nothing rocked my world. On Sunday, the kids and I went and looked at houses that were for sale and then ended up in a neighborhood where we picked a lot and chose to build our own house. We were all four SO excited. We haven't had that much fun together in awhile, my heart was smiling all day long. Clayson chose a lot that would be easy for him to mow, Trey chose his bedroom in the floorplan and Ashlyn didn't care as long as she could have a pink and black room. I fell in love with the openess of the kitchen and living room. It was just what we needed to lift our spirits for the unknown future that we were facing. On Wednesday, I signed the contract to get things rolling. Our house sold quickly - we close around May 15th and have to be out around May 20th. I have been super excited to think that this house will be all mine and I get to choose everything about it and there won't be any dead animals mounted on the walls :0). It's going to be a much needed distraction and could not have come at a better time because on Monday morning, my world came crashing down once again. I always say to make choices that you can live with, I guess I should have taken my own advice.

So, as happy as I am about this new house - I am sad about another situation. Thank goodness this is our temporary home. One day there will be no more sorrow and no more tears, I am ready for THAT DAY.

huntin' for eggs and happiness

We had a fabulous Easter. Early church, Sunday School, over to mom and dad's for lunch with the family and an Easter egg hunt with the cousins - it's a yearly tradition (as are the pictures that the boys hate having to pose/smile/act like they like each other for).

Clayson, Trey and Ashlyn: the loves of my life.

Spring, it's a time for new beginnings and complete happiness - I can feel it.

a work of heart

Spring break has come and gone and so has the week after. Here we are at the end of March, already. It's crazy to think of how fast the days, weeks and months seem to go, when looking back. Some days seem to drag on and on but before you know it you aren't thinking back about that day but the month or the week that has gone by - in a flash.

Every day I find myself smiling a little more, relaxing and going with the flow a little easier and a little less surprised at the kinks that arise (and oh lordy, have there been some kinks - just sayin'). The kinks get ironed out slowly and leave behind just a few wrinkles. These wrinkles will probably always be on my heart but thank goodness the heart is an organ that heals. I am aware of this, as my heart has been broken through deaths, through disappointing those that mean the most to me and through this divorce. But, my heart is on the mend ... I can feel it.

Jared and I sat and had a heart to heart talk the other night and thank goodness he can be calm in my storm because it could have been ugly. He had to bring me back around - out of my anger and out of my selfish will. This was not an easy task, but he managed. The kids were here because I felt that it was so important for them to see that their mom and dad could still sit and have a peaceful conversation together. Heartbreakingly, Ashlyn presented us with a picture of the three of us - her in the middle - holding both of our hands. It's a simple reminder that no matter what happens, Jared and I share three very special blessings that nothing or no one can ever take away from us.

In this talk, we decided that it is time to sell the house and leave the bad memories behind us. It was wishful thinking, I guess, to think that we could live this way. It's just not a "home" anymore. Neither of us have felt comfortable with the situation so selling is inevitable. It's a little scary to look to the future with uncertainty as to where I will go and many other unanswered questions, but I know who holds the future and that is certain enough for me. After all, this is our temporary home.

I can feel the power of prayer as so many of you have told me that you are praying for me. I have such a peace that I know can only come from Him. Thank you for loving me and thank you for being such great friends. Thanks for helping me turn my frown upside down!

happenings

A whole month with no blogging. You'd think I was busy raising three kids, teaching school, taking pictures and adjusting to what has become my life. Oh, wait - I have been involved in all of those things and I don't see a break in any of the action (except for this week which is spring break 2010).

On the home front, it has been a bumpy ride. Most days are good but there are days when I am overcome with sadness, anger and bitterness. A mixture of all three emotions on one day is never good. I have been forced to face things that I am not ready for, dealing with what's in writing and what can be agreed upon has been challenging and decisions that need to be made - that I honestly am not ready to make - are on the horizon. But, I have a strong support system and am thankful for the friends and family that have not given up on me eventually getting back to normal. I am getting there, one day at a time. But, some days it's a two step forward and one step back kind of dance.

Baseball season has begun for Clayson and Trey. They are both on the same team so that makes things convenient. Ashlyn is loving basketball. She loves to go to practice and game days are full of her anticipation for getting on the court. She is never still, always moving, hopping, guarding and hands in the air (like she just don't care) to show that she is open and when she does get the ball she accidentally forgets to dribble and runs with it. Oops. Her first game she ended up scoring the first and last goals. We should have carried her out on our shoulder, our lil champion.

It's crazy to think that we are already in the middle of March with just a little over nine weeks of school left until summer. Time flies (cliche, I know). As much as I love the winter, I am glad to see Spring on its way. I am a fair-weather kind of girl so recess always depends on whether it's too hot, too cold or just right. Spring guarantees a daily recess, minus the rainy days.

I hope all of you are adjusting to the time change, the weather changes and whatever life changes you may be dealing with.

I'll be spring breakin' it this week with fun things happenin' every day.