Monday, May 24, 2010

I may be a teacher but I am still learning.

Things are still crazy busy and I’m still happy.

If anything good has come out of depression and anxiety it is the lessons that I have learned. Here is a list of things that I have learned:

* People lie and people will let you down but those people can be easily replaced with people that don’t lie and don’t make a habit of letting you down.

* People come into our lives for a reason and sometimes just a season - but each person that comes into our lives can either make us happy or become a mistake that we learn from.

* There really are just two choices in every situation: get bitter or get better. I have been trying to “monitor and adjust” my attitude because I tend to get bitter (and stay bitter). But, I am learning to try and make the best out of every situation. I have come a long way - I am up to 40% bitter and 60% better in situations that I face. This might have to do a lot with someone’s FB status that once said, “those that anger you - control you” … ouch.

* There was a time in my life where I wanted to spend time with friends and would look for sitters a lot of weekends. Because of the new boy in my life (that likes people and likes spending time together) I have found that I can do both – hang with the kids and with the friends and there is no need for a sitter. I never knew I could have so much fun with my kids and with my friends all at the same time. It’s been such a blessing to see the kids having fun and me being able to be myself. When I was at the point in my life where I did not know what I wanted, was miserable in my marriage and struggling with inner battles of swallowing my pride and desperately seeking happiness I felt the need to just “get away”. Now that the battle for happiness has been won, it is amazing to see all of the pieces of my life come together again. When I was a child, my Mamaw taught me to put the edge pieces together first and all of the inner puzzle pieces would begin to make sense and fall into place. This is also a life lesson: when pieces of your life are scattered and don’t seem to come together anymore, find those edge pieces - your friends, your family and most importantly your faith – put them back into your life and all of the rest will fall into place.

* Forgive and forget: unfortunately, I struggle with both of those.

* Country music is only favorable when things are going your way – otherwise, it’ll make you wanna kick up your heels and kick someone in the shin with a pair of cowboy boots or take stock in handkerchiefs. Country music and I are getting along just fine right now but a couple of months ago, it was my biggest enemy.

* It’s so much easier to just be yourself – no medication needed (for me). Grieve when you need to grieve, wipe the tears when you have a moment, be bummed when you feel like it and be mad when you are angry (just remember that person/ situation is controlling you) and then when you get through these emotions you can be happy because you have overcome.

* The biggest lesson that I have learned and you will hear me say it often: IT IS WHAT IT IS. End of story. You can’t change people, you can’t change what has already happened, you can’t make people like you or agree with you if they don’t want to and the easiest way to accept things is to just get over it because … it is what it is.

I could go on and on but it’s time to gear up for baseball pictures and a baseball game. We are down to just five more days of school. For the first time ever, I have signed up to teach summer school. They have started moving dirt on my lot today and will set the forms this week. We are still living with my parents where there is no satellite or DVR and an alarm that chimes when I come home past curfew. Baseball tournament starts tomorrow night and could possibly go through June 12th. There is so much going on but busy is good. My life is good. Good things come to those who wait.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

have a blog and a smile

I am not believin' that it has been almost a month since I last blogged. I figured that there was so much I couldn't and shouldn't say, that I'd better just stay away from the blogging scene. But, as I have been forced to do many, many times in the past six and a half months - I have "snapped out of it". So, I am back with a new attitude - a happy one - and I bring this blog to you with a smile.

This is literally the first night in three weeks (or maybe longer) that the kids and I have not had anywhere to go or have anything to do. Within the past three weeks we have packed up and moved into the parent's house and played seven baseball games. In the meantime, I have fought battles from across the street and dealt with some pretty tough emotional issues. It's always a sad thing to find out people aren't always who you think they are. But, it just goes to show that people will let you down. On the upside, I have found joy in unanswered prayers, enjoyed time with friends (even made some new ones) and have made major strides in becoming happy again... just when I thought it was impossible. Some pretty amazing people have been in my life to help me keep my chin up - through prayer, words of wisdom, they've made me laugh when all I thought I could do was cry and some have managed to bring me out of my "cave" and forced me to get over it and get a grip. Thank you to these friends. My 9:30 bedtime is out the door but I am okay with that...

So, that's a quick review of the past few weeks - it's been up and down but as of now, I am on the up and up - not looking back and not getting down. I had forgotten what it was like to not have worries until one day I was forced to face reality and I am so glad that I did. It's all good.