one year later...

One year ago on February 4th, I came to the end of a sixteen year journey. It was a journey filled with many emotions - happiness, sadness, anger, frustration and trying to find self-worth. But, along this journey I received three of the greatest gifts a mom can receive and for this I will always be thankful. I experienced life, as I knew it, at it's highest and lowest points. This journey made me a stronger person through all of the struggles. I won't say that the entire journey was miserable and I won't deny that some of the misery wasn't self created. It was an unhappy situation for many years but pride and my kids kept me there. It wasn't until I was able to let go of this pride, risk disappointing my family (for the sake of my own well-being) and pray that my children would be okay, that I was able to realize that I was at a crossroads and it was time to take a new path. I'll never regret the journey that I was on or the decisions that were made because all of this created who I am today.

They say the grass isn't always greener on the other side but I have been fortunate enough to find greener pastures. A couple of months after the divorce was final, Joey walked into my life. He came along at a time when I had reached a very low point - afraid that I would be by myself the rest of my life, worrying about growing old alone and all the fears of the future that a young girl might worry about. He was good for redirecting those thoughts. With him, I've realized what I had been missing for so long - true happiness. Sometimes we don't know what we're missing until we have what we have never had. He brought my smile back. Since then he has also eased the fear of being alone and fear of the future. He's my hero :)

As the year has progressed there have been many ups and downs with Jared, with his parents and with my family members but the one constant is that I have remained true to myself. No one knew of the many nights that I would cry alone or the anxiety and bitterness that had slowly overcome me - mainly because I cared too much about what everyone else might think. That was good for everyone but me. I was hurting and this, in turn, unintentionally hurt my children. By being true to myself and learning to live with choices that I choose to make has helped me overcome and be a "survivor" in my small world created by the journey's end.

I am happier than I have ever been. What a difference a year makes.